My family adopted our final three foster girls October of 2012 and May of 2013! It took 18 years, but I finally have sisters! Now granted that there is an 18 year gap between me and the youngest... but who cares! I feel like second mom to them right now, but in time I know they will see me as their big sister. :)
I have gone through a few months of family struggles and it shook my faith immensely. It led me to question how much I really trusted God. As a result, I dove headfirst into 1 Peter. Can I just say, it's my favorite book of the Bible right now. :) It gave me the faith and the strength to handle the next round of family crisis.
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed." (1 Peter 4:12-13, ESV)
Many people came to me afterwards (wonderful, sweet, and compassionate women in our church) letting me know I could talk to them at anytime about what had transpired, but I didn't feel the need. I was not confused or worried. I was not shaken or frightened. I had total peace that exceeded all understanding and I knew it could have only come from my Savior! How sweet the commune at that time with the Lord! And then came...the holidays.
I backslid. Slowly, and not very far, but enough to put me back where I was in how I dealt with situations. The peace was there, but only a small lingering wisp. The patience I once had with the kids slowly turned back to quick anger and frustration. It wasn't till New Year's Day, as I came back home from being gone an entire day, that it hit me. I was tired and almost dreaded walking back into the noisy chaos that is always swirling like an ever strong hurricane. The Holy Spirit whispered softly in my heart and I knew that home was where I belonged. Right smack dab in the midst of the chaos. I was to be the eye of the storm. I was to be the calm to their wildness; the quiet to their noise. I have been working ever since then to remember that.
Contentment is something I've always struggled with and being a college graduate with no job to quickly jump into I was left with one option; to work at home for my mom. I have been learning to wake up early (Which for this night owl has been quite a challenge over the years. Just ask my parents.) and to do whatever needs to be done. I have less me time during the day then before and I've discovered that staying up late and getting up early is tough and somewhat stupid. (Only somewhat though.) ;) I read an article though that changed my perspective, if only a little. I felt like I was in the waiting room, just waiting for God to put me on the next path. Would it be a relationship and possibly marriage? Would it be a part or full time job? Would it be to start my own business with all the crafting skills I've gained over the years? What about moving out? Maybe even to another state! Then the article came. It said that we aren't in a waiting room. We're right where God wants us to be. We don't exactly get new paths. We get new twists and turns on our already existing path. It is our job to follow in faith that God knows what he is doing. I felt like Katherine Brooke from Anne of Avonlea. "There's no bend in my road; I can see it stretching straight out in front of me to the skyline." But how can I see otherwise? I am human and cannot begin to fathom the plans God has for me. I now feel I need to learn contentment at home before God gives me my next bend in my road.
